Going Greaser
by teishamarie
Summary: Post Eclipse. When Bella pays a visit to the Cullen household, she sees something she never expects to see. But what surprises her more is that while she can't turn away, she doesn't want to turn away.OOC, CRACKFIC! To be revised.
1. Events

**BPOV**

The wedding is a few weeks away and amazingly I have done nothing but sit back and watch everything take flight. I must admit, for that I am grateful, but you will never catch me saying that out loud.

It was Sunday and Edward was out hunting after I practically shoved him out the door. Alice never had a need to kidnap me as I was in no immediate danger, so I was at home. I'm not sure who went with him, if anyone went at all, but I can only hope.

So I'm at home without homework - as I had already graduated -, all my chores were done and wedding plans were covered, I tried reading but I was too restless for that and I am bored out of my mind. I hadn't spoken to Jacob he's still roaming around somewhere so my last resort is to visit the Cullen household.

I ran out to the door, keys in hand as I called out to Charlie that I was visiting Alice.

I slid into the seats of the new Mercedes, closing my eyes and taking in the smell of the leather seats. I settled into the seat feeling the soft texture against my skin. It reminded me of a leather jacket. I was a fan of the leather but that is something I kept to myself. I tried to picture Edward in a leather jacket and smiled at the thought, I was definitely making him wear one.

I opened my eyes and started the engine before gliding out of the driveway and tapping the accelerator and was cruising through the town.

My car was just a silent purr as I pulled up to the house. I wasn't sure if anyone was home, but then again, someone was always home.

I opened the door cautiously and it followed noiselessly and saw a sight that I thought I would never see. Ever.

Carlisle was seated on the white couch, leaned back comfortably; one arm stretched across the back of it and the other on the arm of the chair, his right foot resting on his left knee, Esme was taking small measured paces along the length of the coffee table, her eyes never left his.

It was then my eyes widened in intrigued as I saw their ensembles.

He wore black chucks. Not just any black chucks, black leather chucks.

Leather.

Note to self: Make Alice buy me a pair. He wore a fitted plain white t-shirt that showed each of drool worthy, chiseled muscles. He wore black leather pants and a black leather jacket.

Leather.

These were also tight and looked absolutely amazing on him. I had wondered just today what Edward would like in a leather jacket, frankly, I don't care anymore because here was Carlisle wearing all kinds of leather garments looking like a God. Nothing could compare no, not even Edward. To top it all off he wore his hair in a similar fashion except it was combed back further. He looked like a greaser, a blonde version of John Travolta in Grease only a million times hotter.

He looked sexy. Totally and utterly sexy, especially with his mischievous smile and eyes alight with desire.

I followed his gaze up to his wife and instantly felt a pang of jealousy at the sight and what a sight she was. She looked so devilishly tantalizing it wasn't even funny. I couldn't even believe I used those words to describe sweet innocent Esme because right now she looked far from that.

Her caramel waves were pinned up in a butterfly clip. She wore four inch knee high leather boots with black pinup style stockings, complete with the suspender belts. The suspender belts were on show as she wore a leather short sleeve jumpsuit dress cutting off mid thigh with slits up along the side seams going up about an inch.

Oh man, so much leather.

She had an inch thick red leather belt through the loops holes; the front zipper was open on the bust revealing to die for cleavage and lacy red lingerie.

Leather and lace, good combo, reminds me of that song, the one by Ricky Martin. She pulled the greaser look very well indeed. I must admit she was putting Rosalie to shame.

At that point, she had bent over, giving Carlisle a spectacular view of her front side, and I got a great view of the back. I'm not one to be leering on future mother in laws, but in this case I'm glad to make an exception. Underneath the mini skirt, her perfectly toned butt was barely covered by more red lace.

"Wanna agitate the gravel and finish this in the bent eight or what big daddy?" Oh please do. That would be so hot. I mean on the hood of Carlisle's Mercedes that would be the ultimate image. I wanted it so much I was scaring myself.

"Baby, I'll be having a blast wherever we do this." Carlisle's smile widened. "Just as long as I'm able to cast an eyeball at the classy chassis in front of me."

"Better than the paper shakers that get around at the gig?" They were even pulling off the fifties slang really sexy. I swear I was gonna melt. Esme moved in closer pulling Carlisle's foot off his leg letting it fall to the ground before running her hands up his legs and back down again.

"Sugar, you know you're the only one who will ever razz my berries." He leaned forward, now they were less than an inch apart. Esme stood up, wow; I never thought she would be a tease.

"The ankle biters are gone and we've got the pad to ourselves. Where do you want to start daddy-o?" Ha. Maternal Esme is no more; she just called us all ankle biters.

"Right here." Carlisle growled, his voice dripping with sex. It was pure, divine torture. He leaned forward and stretched out his arm till it grabbed hold of her belt and pulled her forward until she was straddling his lap. Their lips locked hungrily, Esme grabbing fistfuls at a time of Carlisle's blonde locks whilst he caressed the outside of her thighs and butt roughly, although still gentle. Esme freed one hand to take the clip out of her hair and shook out the caramel locks as they fell lightly upon her shoulders. Carlisle growled again with pleasure and captured his lips with hers once more.

I took that as my queue to leave. I turned around and closed the door until it was rubbing against the doorframe and snuck back out to the car. I slipped in on the passenger's side; sitting my feet up on the dashboard and resting my head back into the seat. I closed my eyes and remembered all that I saw today.

I summarized that I had caught my future parents in law in stunning leather outfits, playing fifties grease monkeys. I may have caught them, but I don't regret it. In fact, I wouldn't mind catching them again, especially if they were dressed like that. I never felt embarrassed catching them, just curious, intrigued and wishing. Wishing I was in the position of each of them. Wishing I was the one feeling Carlisle in my arms and on the flip side, I wished I could have felt Esme moving herself on top of me.

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It was then I must have fallen asleep as the next morning I woke up in Edward's room, on the massive bed. I made my way downstairs into the living room where I found Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper on the couch, Edward sitting on the floor in front of them. Alice was on the arm of the love seat to the left and Carlisle and Esme had just sat down on the love seat on the right. I sat down in the chair Alice was on and she smiled at me.

"Morning Bella. How did you sleep?"

"Uh. Well? And thanks for moving me inside I guess."

"No worries. You know, I knew you talked in your sleep but I didn't know how weird the stuff you said was. Now I know why Edward loves it so much." What had I said this time?

"What did I say Alice?"

She giggled as if she was going to enjoy this and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"Well, you started out by singing this really weird song. I think you said _'If you think love should be a crime, then lock me up for life. I'll do the time with a smile on my face thinking of her in her leather and lace._' Over and over. Then, you spoke in clipped words and sentences. You also said, grease monkey, and bent eight a lot. And my personal favorites, I'll jump 'em I swear I will and stupid sexy parents. Now Bella, what type of dream were you having last night?"

_Oh, you know I just dreamt about Carlisle and Esme getting dirty on the couch because I was spying on them yesterday afternoon. Then wishing I could watch them doing it on the hood of Carlisle's car._

Like that'll go well. I looked around to see an array of expressions on everyone's faces; most were expectant and a bit grossed out, only two looked shocked and embarrassed. That was probably how I looked.

No way was I going to tell the truth. May as well make it a game.

"Gent bent, that's none of yours. Now I'm going back to sleep, if you want answers. Good luck. Goodnight ankle biters, goodnight sugar, goodnight daddy-o." I gave Carlisle and Esme a little wink.

Then I remembered. "Oh and Alice, buy me a pair of black leather chucks. They're really sexy." I purred, or well, tried to.

I gave everyone a little smug smile and skipped off back to the bedroom.

"Stupid sexy vampire parents. Too sexy for their own good." I mumbled to myself when I got to the top of the stairs.

Ah shit, now I'm in for it. I should have known that that was a bad idea because downstairs I heard a series of gasps.

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_A/N: Should I make it a series of one shots, or leave it. Or delete it because it's utterly horrible._

_Reviewers can you tell the honest truth, nice or not. It would be greatly appreciated!_


	2. Realization

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A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all my reviewers! You made me feel so happy!

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**ESME POV**

I had just sat down in the loveseat on Carlisle's lap, quietly humming _Sway_, the Bublé version of course. You must admit; the kid can swing! I smiled to myself, enjoying the tune. I tried not to think of what happened yesterday while the kids were out hunting, I didn't want to make Edward uncomfortable, but it was just too hard. I loved how Carlisle dressed yesterday, the way he spoke, and the way he looked at me. It was just wonderful. Although, I just couldn't help but feel like we were being watched. It was a strange feeling, I know, but I didn't let that get in the way. _At all_.

Bella had just come down the stairs to join everyone seated on the couch. She sat down on the other loveseat, with Alice sitting on the arm.

I can't help but be taken with my soon-to-be daughter each time I see her. She was really beautiful, it's a shame that she doesn't see that herself though.

"Morning Bella. How did you sleep?" Ah, Alice, always the chipper one.

"Uh, well? And thanks for moving me inside I guess."

"No worries. You know, I knew you talked in your sleep but I didn't know how weird the stuff you said was. Now I know why Edward loves it so much."

Oh, poor Bella. I sometimes wish I could sleep again, but I honestly would be scared to talk in my sleep. Dreams are supposed to be a private affair and to voice that dream wouldn't be pleasant and to have people listening to what you are saying would be embarrassing.

Especially with Emmett around, if he heard what you said, there would be no doubt he'd find it amusing and make fun of you. Unfortunately for Bella, everyone including myself was curious. She cringed slightly at the thought of what she must have said before replying.

"What did I say Alice?"

Alice giggled as though she was going to enjoy herself. That was never good.

"Well . . ." She took in a dramatic breath and launched in to her story. "You started out by singing this really weird song. I think you said _'If you think love should be a crime, then lock me up for life. I'll do the time with a smile on my face thinking of her in her leather and lace._' Over and over. Then, you spoke in clipped words and sentences. You mostly said 'grease monkey' and 'bent eight' a lot. My personal favorites, I'll jump 'em I swear I will and stupid sexy parents. Now Bella, what type of dream were you having last night?"

Oh, wow. What kind of dream was she having last night? What could have possibly influenced her to sing that horrible song!

Edward looked at me through the corner of his eye and smiled. _Seriously, it's utterly annoying! _I was shocked that she'd even knew that song, yet alone listened to it and I was sure that the rest of the family felt the same. Though most of the children were expectant or grossed out. They were probably thinking of the video clip to the song. That was quite disturbing.

She looked shock too. Why would she need to feel shocked? Was she worried about what we would think of her for listening to it? I mean I am a bit taken back, but I would never be intentionally judgmental. A look of worry crept across her face before it settled into a smile. She had a glint in her eye, something I've rarely seen in her before. Frankly, I was frightened.

"Gent bent, that's none of yours. Now I'm going back to sleep, if you want answers. Good luck. Goodnight ankle biters, goodnight sugar, goodnight daddy-o." She winked at my husband and my self, before skipping towards the stairs.

Why was she using fifties slang? And why did she use the names Carlisle and I called each other yesterday. Then it dawned on me.

She didn't, did she? I looked back at her as she strode to the stairs. She approached the first step with one foot. Her hand on the banister as she turned her head to Alice.

"Oh and Alice, buy me a pair of black leather chucks. They're really sexy."

She did! Oh no, I was right in thinking I was being watched! That was embarrassing! She smiled smugly and walked cautiously, though excitedly up the staircase, her mahogany hair swaying gently behind her. Once she was just out of sight she muttered to herself. To humans it would be to yourself, but in a house full of vampires, muttering to yourself is just like having a direct conversation with one.

"Stupid sexy vampire parents. Too sexy for their own good." Uh oh. On any other day a compliment like that would be modestly accepted, but not today. The family gasped in shock at Bella's words and stared at Carlisle and I with strange expressions. Not today because today, we were going to be bombarded with 'what were you two doing last night!' This isn't going to be pretty.

It was then Bella poked her head down from the top of the stairs, her cheeks flaming, and her eyes wide. "You all imagined I just said that. At the same time!"

Not pretty is an understatement.

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_A/N: I hope it wasn't what you expected. But more to the point I hope you liked it!  
And I'm really sorry! I started to write, then I had a case of lack of creativity. It sucked because I left you for like 9 days!_

_I need a Cullen to come spank me for my bad behaviour! ;)_


	3. War

Chapter 3. Spanish Inquisition

**A/N: **_Dudes, I suck I know. 9 days without a post, that's pretty lame. Though I just couldn't think of anything and when I did, it was pretty bad. I posted this to end the story. But I think I'll come up short. Especially with the really horrid humour._

_But please Review anyways. :)_

**Disclaimer:** I own bugger all.**

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CARLISLE POV:**

Bella poked her head down from the top of the stairs, her cheeks flaming, and her eyes wide. "You all imagined I just said that. At the same time!"

Esme and I had just figured out that Bella saw us yesterday afternoon while the others were hunting. Frankly, I was shocked that she had been so cheeky in letting us know she knew.

She was truly a Cullen after all. Though her comment as she climbed the stairs took me off guard and it wasn't the mention of a vampire's attractiveness, but the fact that she called us her parents. I smiled at that as warmth spread through my body, I hadn't felt so fatherly since Alice and Jasper first moved in.

Edward chuckled slightly at that, I'm not sure why, although I flipped him the bird mentally. It'll be him one day. I don't need Alice for that.

Bella was now running down the hallway, towards Edward's room. We all heard her small feet thump along the long hallway because then, Emmett raced up the stairs at supernatural speed. A second later, I heard Bella fall to the ground as she collided with Emmett.

"Emmett you butt head!" She yelled, only to receive the reply of laughter from Emmett. I heard Bella squeak and kick against Emmett as they appeared at the stairs, Bella flailing over Emmett huge shoulders.

"Put me down Emmett, I'm getting motion sickness!" He chuckled

"You think that's funny Emmett! Well you won't be laughing when I throw up all over you!" She was back on the ground, upright, faster than you could say Bloody Mary.

Bella walked away from Emmett and taking a seat next to Edward on the floor in front of the couch. She snuggled in to his side, her heart beating erratically. She knew just as well as I what was coming next – The all dreaded Spanish Inquisition. There was an uncomfortable silence in the room. But, Emmett broke it.

"Soo. . ." He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

It starts now. I was nervous, I swear I saw Esme quivering in fear and I know Jasper could feel it. This sucks.

"Okay Bella, where did you pick up the slang from?" Alice queried. That was simple enough. I just hope Bella tells the truth instead of being cheeky.

"A show. A very entertaining one at that." She smiled. I spoke too soon! Now we have to play along. So will the rest of _them_.

Que Jaws music.

"What was that show called Bella?" She pressed

"I don't remember, I'm human, all I know is there was lots of leather."

"Do you remember what the actors looked like?" Rosalie asked. She was intrigued to say the least.

"Not particularly, I was distracted."

"By what?"

"Their bodies. They're to die for. Literally." Just dig yourself in deeper Bella.

"Do you remember anything about the actors at all?"

"Umm. . . well, one was blonde and the other had a nice bum. He was a _much _better version of Travolta in Grease. And I never thought I'd say this, but she put Rose to shame."

Don't you forget it!

"So Carlisle, I take it you have seen this show?" Edward asked, smug no doubt. Stupid mind reader. _You'll pay Edward._

"Yes actually, I'm _very_ close to one of the actresses. She's impressive to say the least." I better be awarded for this tonight.

"Bashful are we Esme?" Oh, boy. Jasper is a goner! Esme gave him a death glare and it was definitely one to be afraid of!

"No Jasper. I think your gift maybe broken."

"Bull."

"Don't make me come over there."

"Oh, mummy I'm so scared. What are you gonna do? Hug me to death?"

"Precisely." She gave Jasper the look. I've seen that look before, it means business. The last time she used that look it was on a nurse several years ago who was shamelessly flirting with me. I was so close to having to physically restrain her. She channeled that rage and envy thankfully, much to my advantage. I smiled joyously at that night. She even began channeling right in front of that nurse. Good times, good times.

"Oh, eww. Jazz, you'd better stop!" Edward grimaced.

"Don't like it, then too bad." I had an eyebrow raised.

Then Bella burst, "Okay, okay! I know you know already, this is just pissing me off." It was all eyes on Bella. "Yesterday I was really bored while you guys were hunting and I decided to stop over and I caught Mama and Papa. But I left before it got too intimate, but at the same token, it was quite a show. Okay, I said it can I go now?"

If Esme and I were able to blush, we'd be fire trucks, although Bella was doing the job for all three of us. Everyone burst out laughing.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Emmett started "that was quite obvious, everyone knew. We just wanted to hear you say it." He turned to us, "and watch their reactions."

Bella was angry and we all knew it, her lips were set into a hard line, her eyebrows were knitted together and the frown lines looked as though they were going to be permanently etched in her forehead, whilst she was still blushing furiously.

". . . You. Suck."

"Too right." Emmett retorted. She rolled her eyes.

"What were their outfits like Bella?" Typical Alice.

"Other than Carlisle's shirt, it was all leather." You could see Alice was trying to imagine the outfits. "Oh, that's not right, Esme was wearing red lingerie."

Esme and Bella's eyes widened. "Sorry!"

"Can I see it?"

"Alice!" I chided "For my eyes only. . . and Bella's apparently."

"What can I say, I have a hot mum."

"True."

"And I'd say I have a hot dad, but unfortunately I couldn't tell. Too covered up you see." This means war!

"Well, I could say you were more than a pretty face, but I haven't seen enough to be the judge of that." Our eyes were narrowed at each other, just like the old Western movies. She was flexing her knuckles by her side and I quivered my eyebrow in reply.

A long hooting sound came from several family members. Bella stood up and I followed suit. Our spouses on our flanks. Esme on my right, Edward on Bella's right. We strode forward meeting in the centre of the room where the hand on her free side, brushed heavily on my behind. I turned to her to see her leering, before she was looking at me with a crooked smile.

"Point to Eddie. Edward one. Carlisle zero."

We were now at opposite sides, facing each other about a foot apart.

"Kinkiest place you've had sex." She said.

"We snuck on to the "Gone In Sixty Seconds set in 1974. On the hood of Eleanor." I stated, not hesitating.

"Really Carlisle?" Esme asked, "I would have said New Year's Eve 1969 at Central Park Fountain first then the set in '74.

"Don't worry sweetheart, that was a close second."

"You had sex in Central Park Fountain! Oh my God Rose we are so doing that." That was followed by an 'Ow', after Rosalie slapped him on the back of the head.

"Don't announce it Emmett." She whispered.

"Okay Bella, the kinkiest place you want to have sex."

"Your office." She smiled as if she had me there.

I smiled back. "Been there, done that." I turned down to my wife and gave her a sweet chaste kiss. Esme held on to my face with her petite hands and looked at Bella.

"That's one all I believe?" She giggled and kissed me deeply. I nibbled in her ear and murmured "Show off," before facing Bella again.

Alice piped up squealing in excitement,

"I have the perfect tie breaker!" She leaped forward and grabbed our arms in same movement and pulled us to the stairs. She shoved me into my bedroom and Bella into Alice's. I heard Bella groan and whine. This mustn't be good.

Alice paraded back in to my room with her hands behind her back. She grinned brightly and pulled out a pair of black Speedos. I believe they are called Budgie Smugglers in Australia.

There was no way I was getting out of this so I cringed and stuck my hand out, feeling the material in my hands.

I changed within seconds and waited outside Alice's room and minutes later, the door swung open and revealed Bella trying to cover herself up in what looked like a set from Victoria's Secret. I held my arm out and she linked hers with mine and we walked down the stairs.

The first thing I saw was Edward's eye almost fall out of his head. I mean I know I'm attractive but seriously, then I noticed it wasn't me who he was staring at.

I turned to Bella and actually saw what she was wearing. It was in fact a set. It was in midnight blue and flattered her body significantly.

"You guys were complaining about not being able to judge. So I resolved the problem, now everyone judges." I swear I'm living with the devil.

"Cast your votes. Out loud."

"Bella!" Edward was the first to answer, Esme following closely with my name. Gosh, I wish we were in the opposite position right now.

Alice wasn't voting as she chose the outfits and the others took a while longer.

"I'm going to say Bella, for three reasons." Jasper announced, "the first is that Bella looks pretty darn sexy in that ensemble and second, seeing my father like that is kind of creepy and third, mom just totally wants dad and I want dad right now too and it sucks." Peels of laughter rumbled through the house from each of us. Poor Jasper, ah well he got his come up pence.

"Whilst Bella looks fabulous, Papa takes the take, I mean the blonde flick of the hair, the lean toned muscles, it's true, he's too sexy for his own good. Flaunt it!"

I swear, I will _never_ understand Emmett's mind. Rose is the last to vote and had a peculiar expression on her face. She thought for barely seconds, although I hardly believe she was thinking of her vote. I was proven right.

"This is absolutely ridiculous, you expect me to vote on who looks more attractive, picking between my soon-to-be human sister in skimpy lingerie and my pseudo father in only a pair of swimwear. I refuse to take part."

"Oh, Rose, your no fun." Alice whined, then she turned to Bella and I, "Sorry guys, looks like it's a tie."

"Alice, don't worry. It was just a bit of fun." Esme comforted.

"Yeah, although can I ask one more question for the both of you?"

"Only if we can ask you one Bella."

"Sure. Are there any other role play days?"

"Yes of course Bella." Esme smiled, no doubt reviewing each time. "There was Doctor and Nurse, School Teacher and student, Good Cop, Bad Cop, Pocahontas, Romeo and Juliet, Cathy and Heathcliff, Tarzan and Jane – that was a good one – just to name a few."

"And I missed it!" she cried. "I mean, real original. What the heck?" she tried to cover up, too bad it was pathetic.

"Oh, Bella where did you think Edward was taking you on prom night?"

"Disneyland."


End file.
